Deeper Dive into
Hearing With Both Ears
With one ear I hear you say something about me or the world.
With my other ear I hear you say something about yourself.
This simple technique is so powerful that once we start doing it all the time it’s pretty amazing how it helps us to not react to what people say, especially when it feels mean and inconsiderate.
We are now listening for what’s motivating a person to say what they’re saying.
For kids this can seriously reduce the impact of bullying. Kids can learn that bullies say mean things because of something that’s going on with the bully and it has nothing to do with them.
And there’s an added bonus! When we practice this, we realize that WE are saying two things whenever we speak.
This whole site was created and written by me, Mark Halvorson. What am I saying about myself to you?
Super powerful. So simple.
What are we noticing?
We are noticing the intent behind what is being said by a person or other entity.
Insights
Two channels of listening
When our mom tells us for the zillionth time to put on socks or put on a sweater it’s easy for kids to NOT hear what’s being said on the other channel – that our parents are looking after our health.
As teenagers, when a dad doesn’t like his daughter’s new boyfriend, he’s also saying on the other channel he wants the best for her.
When someone calls us names, says something mean, dismissive, invalidating, on the other channel they’re also saying they’ve got nothing. Most of the time we won’t have any idea what is really going on in their heads, but at least when know it’s about them and not about us.
What are we telling people when WE speak?
It works both ways.
What can we do right now?
Listen to what people around you are saying and figure out what’s being said on the other channel.
Sometimes it’s great to acknowledge people not only for what they said, but for what they are also saying on the other channel.
ClearThinkingCampaign.org
© 2022 Mark Halvorson. All Rights Reserved.
This campaign and website imagined, created and maintained by Mark Halvorson. This is a living document. All media is properly licensed, attributed, and usage rights are respected.
Get out there and practice, practice, practice thinking clearly with your friends and family. Help refine what people say rather than reject it. Try to say what you want in the form of a question. You can also send people here and not say a word. The huge benefit from all this is that it won’t be long until people and the world won’t be able to mess with you anymore. People will notice that about you and will want to know how you did it. Be strong and have your own ideas, style and identity. We’re all in this together.